Abhorrence
by Flowerperson
Summary: ‘Abhorrence… what a delicious emotion.’ She did hate him. She would have killed herself if not for the disgust she held for him. The loathing was all she had left. [Naraku x Sango]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha. If I did, it would probably be ruined ((sob)).  
**Title:** Abhorrence  
**Rating:** T (I put 'T' on most of my stories as safety) **  
Categories:** Angst/Tragedy with some Romance… if you could call it that. Kind of dark.**  
Summary:** 'Abhorrence… what a delicious emotion.' She did hate him. She would have killed herself if not for the disgust she held for him. The loathing was all she had left.**  
Status:** One-shot.**  
Spoilers:** Up to Episode 50. Not many, mainly focusing on Kohaku and Sango.  
**Word Count:** 2788**  
Notes:** This takes place after Episode 50: 'That Unforgettable Face!' although the specific timing doesn't really matter but Naraku's incarnations have been introduced and Kohaku has just gone back to Naraku, after saying: 'Anue-ue'. It's a one-shot with Naraku x Sango. My first Inuyasha fiction – let us see how it turns out. And hey! An alternate pairing! What fun! ((sweatdrop))

The person who is speaking in the italics is obvious. Normal text is Sango POV.

* * *

**ABHORRENCE**

'_Abhorrence… what a beautiful emotion.' She did hate him. She would have killed herself if not for the disgust she held for him. The loathing was all she had left._  
_Naraku x Sango_

**_Flowerperson  
_**© 2005

* * *

_Abhorrence… what a delicious emotion._

What do you do when you know something's bad for you and yet you can't give it up? What do you do when the one thing you have left in this world is turned against you? What do you do when you can't let go? What do you do when you fear life and wish no more than to die? But I can't die.

I must complete my goals

**_(Kill Naraku)_**

**_(Kill his incarnations)_**

**_(Protect Kohaku)_**

**_(Kill Kohaku)_**

**_(End my pitiful life)_**

And save those that require saving. _He _requires saving and I shall be glad to save him. But how can I save him when I cannot even save myself? I cannot be brave for him when I am cowering from my solitude. I cannot be strong when these scars have forced me to become weak. I cannot be the hero when I desire nothing else than to be rescued.

_Kill him. Then succumb to the hatred._

_The darkness shall rescue you._

I refuse to become a damsel in distress and yet how could I resist the soft comfort of an embrace? Would I decline the wonderful solace that a hug from my brother could bring me? Even Houshi-sama (though irritating and perverted as he may be) would be able to console me by holding me in his arms (without his hand travelling to a certain part of my anatomy).

_Do you care for him, Sango?_

No! Of course not! I cannot let myself care for another.

Naraku would only steal them from me. Torture them in front of me. Scar my heart until there is nothing left. However, I have managed to overcome him. I have managed to rise above his tricks.

I didn't kill Kohaku.

I did not betray Kohaku.

I do not hate Kohaku.

I shall not kill Kohaku in hatred.

_And yet you nearly did. You nearly killed your beloved little brother. If it weren't for Inuyasha, Kohaku would be dead but saved. You would probably also be dead. You would be together with your family in heaven. Inuyasha stole that from you. Inuyasha stopped you from saving your brother and yourself._

_Inuyasha betrayed you._

Shut up! Do you really think I will believe your lies? You tried to make me hate Inuyasha before, but I came to know that you were full of deceit. I understood that it was you that had killed my family.

_Ah yes… eventually. So slow, taiji-ya. So late. Too late._

_Too late to save your brother._

Lord Kagewaki Hitomi had been your alias – your disguise. I curse myself for not seeing through your façade. I should have known better. I should have realised as soon as Kohaku started acting strange. When I had crawled out of my own grave, pure hatred and the craving for vengeance had spurred me on.

_Why do you not use the hatred once more? It saved your life. It can save your life now. You can have an eternal life._

Hatred should not be an emotion between me and friends or between me and my brother. The only hatred I have is for _you_, Naraku… Kagewaki… whoever you are. Whichever mask you choose to wear, I shall continue to hate you. My loathing for you shall fester and grow, becoming stronger and making _me _more powerful.

_Yes, Sango, hate me. Hate me with that intense fire deep within your soul._

I have no soul. Kohaku is my soul and he has been taken away from me. He was naïve, not ready for battle. His first battle had been his last. Is this the same Kohaku that battles me? Is this the same Kohaku that rushes with no fear into a war? Is this Kohaku similar to the one that had been so frightened of demons, and now fights alongside them?

Kohaku… who had been so apologetic… now holds no remorse.

I was deceived by you. I had thought… I had thought that Kohaku had been returned to me and had broken the hold that you held on him. But I was wrong, wasn't I? I had been once more deceived. Again, I was tangled in your web of lies. My heart continues to bleed. It has bled so much that I fear there is no life left within me.

Only my hatred.

For you.

_For Kohaku._

No! I do not hate Kohaku! I love Kohaku! He is my… brother…

_Not anymore. Your brother is dead, Sango. Now all that is left is my little servant – the leverage I hold over you. Why don't you just get rid of him? You will be stronger without him. You will grow even more powerful than Inuyasha if you join me. You shall defeat those in your way. No… _chuckling… how dare he chuckle at me! _No lecherous monks groping you._

Shut up! Just shut up!

_You are prey to me. You are prey to the demons that surround you. We shall devour you entirely. I shall take your hatred and help mould you to become perfect_.

_Kill Kohaku._

It is hurting my soul. My soul is aching terribly! I cannot let go of him! He is all I have left! Without him, I have only my hatred. And I do not want to become like Kikyo: the priestess with a clay body. I do not want to lose my friends, my loved ones.

_Who matters more, Sango? Your family or some strangers you met only a short while ago? Inuyasha the dirty hanyou is obsessed with Kikyo and would gladly betray any of you for her. Kagome is just a foolish miko. She fears this world. She fears the demons. Besides, she is besotted with Inuyasha. Shippo is but a child. And the houshi? Heh, I'm sure his 'palm-reading' is far too distracting to pay attention to your angst… to your pain._

All these walls… they are caving in on me. Can I take it? Can I support myself? I cannot cease the suffering that I feel constantly… every moment I am feeling this suffering smother me.

I hate this. I hate showing my vulnerability. I have demonstrated my lack of control and now I have to face the consequences. Now I must battle with my fears, but I know I am not strong enough. Hiraikotsu cannot assist me in this fight; neither can my katana or my hidden wrist-blades. Even Kirara cannot guide me.

I keep thinking back to him. Back to Kohaku.

What can I do

**_(Kill him)_**

To save him? How can I bring him back to me?

I need to get away. Let me get away. Please, I want only to escape!

I should have known all these tricks and traps that you set me. I should at least _expect _all these deceit and yet I was blind. Blind with love for my brother and hatred for you. Deafened by my brother's last words. He was afraid, and I had not saved him. I had not protected him. I was muted by Kohaku's weapon deep inside my back. I suppose I'm lucky that he did not pierce my spine for then I would have been paralysed and in my last movements, I would not have been able to fall on top of him in an embrace of death.

But I hadn't seen. These illusions had fooled me. This thick

**_(Deceit)_**

Miasma had fogged my senses, making me groggy… foolish… weak. What could I do now? Licking my wounds would not help me. The venom just seeps deeper and deeper… into my arteries… into my heart… into my soul.

_My darkness can seduce your hatred. Let it just take over. I promise the pain will leave. It is only a minor sacrifice. Your heart and soul for an everlasting life. You know as well as I do that Inuyasha's pitiful journey will soon fail. I shall win. My part of the Shikon no Tama is nearly completed. How could you possibly defeat me? I promise that you shall be rewarded with an unconquerable power._

Ha! Why should I trust your promises? Do you think I am that stupid? You underestimate me, Naraku! Inuyasha grows stronger every day, and we come across allies that shall aid us in your destruction. Just because you have my

**_(Soul)_**

Brother as your prisoner. It doesn't mean that you will win over me. I shall never give up! Not until your true body has been split in half by my Hiraikotsu.

_No mortal weapon can defeat me._

No demon can defeat me. I am a taiji-ya – a demon slayer – and I will not die by a demon's hand.

_You're about to break._

I can stop this pain. I need only to focus on my hatred for you… and all shall disappear.

_Exactly._

No! I didn't mean that! I will not succumb to dark emotions! I will not fall to this darkness inside of me! I may be tainted and impure, but I shall still not become part of your evil. You have hurt too many innocent people!

_You are not innocent._

I am far more innocent than you! And yet… as I feel your dark tendrils begin to edge towards me, I want nothing more than to run away. But I can't run away. This strange addiction I have makes me reach for the woody tentacles. I wish to snap them in half and as I move my fingers in order to do so, they quickly constrict around my wrist and contract. The bones snap slowly, making the experience even more painful as I feel them pierce my skin from the inside. Imagine it, being impaled from inside. Like my hatred is slowly devouring and tainting my heart. What is left of it?

Nothing. Let me search for a cure for this strong emotion. It is far too powerful and my body cannot withstand it. It is like a rampaging demon, and I am nothing to it. Simply an obstacle.

I will always be an obstacle. Inuyasha-sama is always the one to save the day. He always slays the demon. What do I do? Watch. And watch more. Houshi-sama and Kagome-chan are more helpful than I. I'm pathetic. I only get in the way. Shippo and Myoga help more than I do! So what is the point of me being there? I am supposed to be the warrior. I have no spiritual powers and the only way I can help our shard-hunting group is by fighting in battle.

And yet, I cannot even do that. These demons are far too strong for a simple woman such as I. I am but a mortal – nothing special. Would anyone miss me if I were to go?

I seem to only make mistakes. Because I trusted Kohaku, my miko friend was nearly killed and Houshi-sama nearly died due to the poison insects that flew into his Kazaana. Because I believed Kagewaki and Naraku's fake conversation, I battled Inuyasha. If it had continued, I could have killed the hanyou or… he could have killed me.

What did I do to deserve this torment you have put me through? I am but a simple demon-exterminator. Why did you trick me? Why did you kill my family and the whole of my village? Why? Answer me!

Answer me, Naraku!

So now you shut up. Now, when I ask questions of you, you suddenly turn silent. I cannot stand your silence. Nor do I like the malevolent smirk you have planted on your sickly pale face. Your evil expression causes shivers down my spine. Chills pass through my entire body as I cannot suppress them. You witness my tremors and your smirk widens.

Silence. Kohaku has turned silent now. He does not recognise me. He does not care for me. I am not his _'anue-ue'_ anymore. Am I anything to him now? He did say that one word… but it was like he did not know what it meant. He did not understand that word and thus I cannot take it as a sign of hope.

Besides, I have lost all hope. All faith. All love.

Every time I gasp for air in this thick

**_(Nothingness)_**

_**(Oblivion)**_

Miasma, I am only choked by its toxic poison… its smothering despair.

It's never over.

It will never be over.

It seems I'll never wake from this

**_(Real)_**

Nightmare. I do not believe in a god or goddesses but I suppose I might as well try a prayer.

Let it be over.

Please let it be over.

Inside I am screaming. I'm begging and pleading for no more.

No more.

No more.

What am I to do? My heart and soul have been bruised. They have been maimed. So tragic. So pitiful. So sad. But it's true. Or do I even have a soul? Do I even have I heart? Has my hatred consumed it?

No. I feel it beating. Each beat painfully reminds me of my death. My soul had left me when Kohaku killed me. Now I am only left with my abhorrence. Each pulse that passes through my veins reminds me of Kohaku. Each breath that I take reminds me of _you_ and I cannot take it. I hold my breath, and yet eventually my body betrays me and exhales before inhaling more oxygen into my lungs.

I cannot mend this. I can fix Hiraikotsu, my wrist-blades, my katana and my battle armour but I shall never be able to heal these scars. This terrible state I am in shall be me until my death.

Hopefully, it shall be soon.

_Ha. You really think you are strong enough to end your own life. Come with me. I will end your life swiftly._

Ah! You speak and yet you lie. You will maim be to the point where I am but a shell and then you shall put in the Shikon no Tama or use one of your spells and I cannot be that. I refuse to have the last of me ripped away by you. I shall _not _be one of your mindless slaves that have no intelligence. You cannot have me.

Why are you moving closer?

_Foolish taiji-ya. I already have you. All of you. The darkness has become you and I am the darkness._

Demanding lips. Are these yours? I do not want them!

_Yes you do. What is left of your heart aches for the darkness. You want your brother, don't you?_

Yes.

_You want to get rid of the pain, don't you?_

Yes.

_You want to become stronger, don't you?_

Yes.

_You want to become something more than a simple mortal, don't you?_

Yes.

_You want to serve me, don't you?_

… I hesitate to your question. Do I know the answer? Logic tells me one answer

_**(No)**_

But deep inside, I know the truth.

_**(Yes)**_

The hatred is consuming me, and suddenly it is replaced with another emotion

_**(Lust)**_

As I feel your cold tongue running along my lips and the baboon pelt that covers your body is soft against my skin. Suddenly it falls to the floor, exposing you in your Kagewaki disguise. Although… there was never a Lord Kagewaki Hitomi to begin with. My hand plays with a lock of your black hair. It is like silk and a moment later it is wrapped around my free wrist like an extra limb. Your tongue continues to poke at my lips, demanding.

_Allow me entry._

I don't want to.

Now your hand has entangled itself in my own hair and is tugging at it harshly, forcing me to gasp and open my mouth. Now your tongue is caressing my own and part of me wants to vomit whereas the rest of me… wants more and needs more. My wrists still ache and I feel blood trickle down my palm to my fingers and then onto the ground.

His woody tentacle tightens even more and in retaliation I bite his tongue. Pulling away, his deep crimson eyes observe me with a sick pleasure. I don't know what frightens me more: the tentacle slowly bringing me closer to him or the fact that he enjoyed that.

Why do you do this?

_Because your hatred is so strong._

_So dark._

_And it is all for me._

Stop this. I don't want to do this.

_Hate me, Sango._

Another cruel embrace, crushing my body against yours. A grunt escapes my lips as the strong force bruises my ribs. The pain just makes you happier.

The hatred grows.

The lust grows.

How could I walk away now?

Kohaku, forgive me.

My hatred is too strong.

_Very good… Sango, taiji-ya sister of Kohaku._

Damn you, Naraku.

What do you do when you know something's bad for you but you can't give it up?

Hold onto it.

I'll hold onto the abhorrence.

I hate you.


End file.
